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Notes From a Padded Cell 
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| In order to view a story, simply click on the story's title, listed below. | |
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Notes From a Padded Cell
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| In order to view a story, simply click on the story's title, listed below. | |
| Title | Description | Word Count |
|---|---|---|
| Reluctant Rambo | Austin - Crimebuster Author harks back to days in New Guinea when he was the only law West of the Daulo Pass. |
6600 |
| If You Want To Be Happy* | Battle of the Sexes Reaches Armageddon Author and friends test ancient dating theories regarding ugly girls in late 60's |
1474 |
| Drive-by Honking | Man VS Nature Author narrowly escapes death by peckicide |
563 |
| Please Don't Hassle the Vassal | Shocking Discoveries The author learns that he is but a cowplop in life's meadow. |
1000 |
| Anatomy of a Crime | The Law Author runs afoul of the law and pulls a Johnnie Cochran |
1490 |
| In The Name Of The Father | Father's Day Protocol Author begins where Emily Post leaves off |
650 |
| Gone to the Dogs | geezersports Author instructs other Methusalah's how to funnel their cash into a black hole. |
1350 |
| Byte Me | High Tech made harder author explains Irqs, Urls and bauds to the satisfaction of nobody. |
590 |
| Do We Get Air Miles With That? | New Guinea Air Travel Author and wife fly to remote outpost with psycho-pilot. |
1533 |
| Is This The Road Or The River Bed? | New Guinea Travel Author finds the actual geographic location of "the middle of nowhere" |
1914 |
| Can You Direct Me To The Deck Tennis Pavillion? | New Guinea Cruise Liner Why the Tramp in Tramp Steamer |
2200 |
| Deng's Diner | Hong Kong The skinny on China's new condo. |
760 |
| Thugs On The Run | Elder Athletics Author proves he would rather expire trying to impress the babes than die a natural death. |
1097 |
| Citadel Breached | Military Intelligence? Military Academy or upper-simian research facility? |
466 |
| Fishing In the Fast Lane | Low Rent High Tech Curmudgeonly comments by grizzled worm stabber |
650 |
| The Dog-shit Defenseman | Glory Daze Ice Hockey: A Lifetime of Incompetence |
627 |
| Eggs Benedict Arnold | lipid literature Author shows his true colors, sort of a mustardy green actually. |
600 |
| Mepps Madness | More fishing Author combines hangover with trout fishing |
664 |
| Nostril Nostrums | Personal Grooming Secrets Austin deals with a hirsute disaster |
630 |
| Did I Ever Tell You....... | Neuritus, Neuralgia, Nostalgia Austin lays rubber on memory lane. |
1416 |
| A Pox On All Your Mansions | Celebridiots Author delights in kicking celebs when they are down. |
530 |
| *This Was No Boating Accident | Shark Shark bite yarn you won't believe but it's true anyway. |
1711 |
| Jerkbait | Wad vs Nature Austin and brother catch world's dumbest fish |
1300 |
| Hunting is Hard? Get Reel | Rod vs Gun The age old question of: Fishin' or Huntin' which is gooder? Is answered. |
626 |
| The Strap | Bored of Education Author recounts a pre-pubescent crisis. |
1500 |
| Burning Desire | Death to Yuppies Austin proves there's no brow like a low-brow. |
530 |
| This May Pinch A Bit | Fishing Author performs onboard surgery on ungrateful sibling. |
1500 |
| Et Tu Elvis? | Education Author explains dangers of Latin |
531 |
| The Dog Did What? | Education Author attempts to broaden the horizons of the Power Ranger set. |
530 |
| Gone To The Dogs | Sports for the Infirm Writer/budding geriatric examines current elder-friendly athletics |
1330 |
| In-FAT-uation | Scientific Breakthrough Author basks in reflected glory of inventor cousin. |
860 |
| Moby's Lament | Health and Fitness Author charts course from overweight to morbid obesity. |
514 |
| The Scotch Fast | Health and Fitness Author departs from the pod in search of a more aerodynamic corpus. |
564 |
| Would You Like Fries With That? | Watersports Author and retarded brother battle undersea assassins |
631 |
| The Tie That Binds | Brother-in-law Blues Writer attempts suicide to one-up hideous brother-in-law |
684 |
| Genetic Jive | Science stuff Author shows literary virtuosity by writing about some science stuff. |
704 |
| Golf Diary | Sports #$%!!XXX Golf season is here. |
300 |
| Grizzly Experience | Camping Author defies death by fang and claw while rescuing his blushing bride. |
762 |
| Revenge of the Bone People | Sports of sorts. |
874 |